Pain and Me

In nights of physical pain, I lift from my body, hover above, and watch my weakness with disdain. I dream without sleeping, float in a sea of nerve endings glowing red. I write beautiful words in the dark; they are slender threads of silver and gold, pulsing with meaning and truth. Pain purifies thoughts, sharpens the senses. In the night hours, I pity the part of me that demands attention to the fiery current racing down my spine and legs. I toss, turn, and wish it would stop. I argue my case, and pain argues back its own. One night, Pain opened up to me and said, "At times, I’d rather be called something else, like beauty, or hope, or joy. Do you think it's easy being hated and feared? I do my job and that is what I do. Who told you life is lived without pain?" I answered, "Do your worst! I am strong!” And I lay there, and I felt Pain, and thought, who would I be without Pain? It’s become a part of me, attached to me as if an extra body part. It's mine. And I can take it. I am strong.


In the quiet dark, I think how one day I will be a very old woman. I’ll walk crooked to the coffee pot, pour a cup, and holding the cup with trembled hands, I’ll shuffle to the porch, carefully sit in my rocker, pull a throw over my knees, and rock rock and think about pain and me and how we had a long good life together. I’ll wonder, did pain take away or did pain give insight, and empathy? I will drink every bit of my strong black coffee and I'll be grateful for its taste and heat, and I'll say, "Come on pain, today we will write, and then we will rock some more, and then we will read, and then we will rock some more. Life is good." And it won't seem but a minute that I am on Earth, just a minute. Just a minute. A minute. Minute.

(this was first posted on the yog blog a couple years ago)

SWEETIE's cover

Here is the SWEETIE cover draft image - if you click on it and enlarge it, you may can see how she is made of leaves and branches, but this image isn't very clear - I'll get a better one once I receive the final cover image. There's an excerpt on Sweetie on my website SWEETIE EXCERPT - it's actually a portion of the first chapter. Y'all have a great weekend!

SWEETIE cover

The Power of Social Networking on our Brains . . . The Herbert Mesa Twitter Follow Phenom

Our brains and thought process thereof are strange things. How synapses fire and things connect and rearrange.


This morning, I am particularly thinking of the power of social networking, and in this example, Twitter.

I’ve been kind of mindlessly and listlessly watching Food Network’s “Next Food Network Star,” not really getting into it all that much this season and not really caring who won and sort of reacting a bit negatively to the “I’m a STAR!” thing some of the FN cooks/chefs have really aggressively attached to their names more here lately it seems. But, it’s something to do, television is, when I just want to Not Think.

So, the other day, I go into my email and see that I have new twitter followers. I always check them out, and I follow an eclectic group of people, not just writers and book people, but foodies and artists and people who just make me laugh or think. I'm http://twitter.com/katmagendie .

In my new followers list was Herbert Mesa. The name sounded familiar and when I clicked on it, I saw that it is the Herb Mesa who is a finalist on Food Network Star—the account seemed real enough (sometimes people put up fake accounts), so I thought, why not? And I followed him back. His twitter account is: http://twitter.com/herbmesa by the way .


He posted a few tweets about “Hey Guys! Help me out by voting . . .” and et cetera.

Now, something curious and completely unexpected and unplanned happened next. When I next watched FNS, I suddenly “Saw” Herb as a person that I related to in a way that was connected somehow solely by my brain—he wasn’t just some two-dimensional image on the TV screen. He’d followed me; I’d followed back; he’d asked for help; suddenly I wanted to help him. Mind you, again, before this I was mostly ambivalent.

Next I know, I’m rooting for Herb to do well. Next I know, I’m going on the vote site on Food Network (something I’d not done at all before this) and clicking on his name and the word: “Vote.” Suddenly, I am rooting for this guy because he seemed—what? Approachable? A nice guy? He followed me and that endeared him to me? He simply asked? Whatever my brain synapses decided, they did it on their own and I reacted to that.

Brain whirring and deciding whatever it decided, all from that “Herbert Mesa is following you on Twitter” email I received.

We should never underestimate the power of Social Networking, but beyond that, we shouldn’t underestimate the power of just reaching out and “Following” or “Friending” someone or making a comment on their blog, et cetera—making that personal connection that says “I’m here; I’m a real person; I need your support. Hey, here I am! It’s me!”

Granted, I’ve never gone on any social networking site and asked anyone to buy my books, because, well, that’s a bit different –there’s money involved and it just seems “not right” for me to do that, and books are so personal, you know? However, it makes me very happy when social networking finds me new readers—what if social networking sent my books into Best Seller status (I've been on a couple of "best seller" lists-regionally and on kindle, however!)? I do know that through my blog I have reached many new readers all over the world—something I’d never have done without social networking. And through Facebook, readers have “friended” me and I’ve come to know them (I'm on FB with my name: Kathryn Magendie). Through twitter I’ve ‘met’ some truly wonderful people, too. I’ve found new authors on soc networking myself, and have bought their books--authors I'd never have known otherwise.

So, meanwhile, my brain has flickered and rearranged and somehow decided that I should root for Herb Mesa on Food Network Star, just because he followed me, just because my brain worked out that this was what it wanted me to do. So, well,—go Herb!

brain image

Maintaining Internal Silence, Antar mouna: Yoga; How do you deal with stress?

Life's been a little hectic--a good hectic, but that doesn't stop the way my brain goes all frenetic and my body at times will complain, particularly my back. I was a personal trainer for 5-6 years, before I moved here to Western North Carolina, and exercise to keep strength and flexibility are important to me still. I’ve taken up running lately and since April have worked up from about five minutes of “ughnnn uhhhngnnnhhgghh” running (laughing) to a little over five miles as my best, so far. It helps me to zone out, to keep myself from becoming too crazy. I do some strength training, too, mostly on my upper body, to keep myself strong. There are walks at Lake Junaluska, or around my mountain cove. But . . . it’s the yoga at the end of it all that rounds everything out.

Once I step onto my yoga matt, I leave everything else behind but the moment. There are no racing thoughts, no worries about what I have to do next, for I must concentrate on breath, on maintaining internal silence, Antar mouna. I am careful not to overextend, such as in forward and backwards bends, or to take my body too far into the pose in those areas where I am not as flexible; I must respect my body’s abilities and its limitations. My eyes look inward as I concentrate on a spot or object, Bahiranga tratakanot. I stand in Mountain Pose, Tadasana,—feet together, hands at my sides. I bring my hands to prayer position, then raise my arms up to the sky, feeling a gentle stretch, my balance, my focus, and from there, I fold and move into the sun salutation, Surya-namaskar.

If my back is bad, I will let yoga take me only to where I feel safe, as in a gentle cat and dog stretch, or perhaps hold downward facing dog, Adho Mukha Svanasana, a bit longer. It is just me and my matt and my heart; there is no one to tell me how much or how little I must do. I like that. I feel the freedom of making the yoga my own. Perhaps that is what is intended, but if not, I can only ask forgiveness for my ignorance.

No matter which yoga poses I do, I always include child’s pose at the end. It is hard to feel anything but peace and serenity when folded into a facing-down fetal position. My face is hidden from the world, my body tucked tight, yet my spine is vulnerable to the sky and anyone who may come near me. It is at once both a trusting pose, while a very private and protective one. I breathe in and out, slowly and evenly. I stay that way until I can face the world again. Then I curl up and sit into half-lotus pose, ardha padma-asana, bring my hands to prayer position, then lower my head, close my eyes, and whisper, Namaste, which is an acknowledgment of the soul in one by the soul in another, or when alone, my own acknowledgement of my heart. How can I feel anything but contentment and peace when in this beautiful pose? I cannot. Namaste.

What about you? How do you control stress in your life?

SWEETIE's cover - almost ready to show off I hope!

Angie(l) & Me(r)

SWEETIE has a cover! Oh, y'all, it's a beautiful cover and so appropriate to the story, but, as well, it is appropriate to who I am as a person and a writer—how I feel about nature. So much of my writing is nature-inspired, even when I am not aware of it, nature is threaded and weaved and seeped into my work. Anyone who knows me, or listens to me as I talk about this cove, knows how like a Mama Bear I become when I talk about this cove, the natural elements here, the beauty that needs our help to preserve it.

the cove & valley misted

Before I go off on that tangent(!), the cover art for SWEETIE – yes, that’s what I was talking about *laugh* -- When I first glanced at the image, I immediately was drawn to it—it wasn’t only the partial face (you can see the lower face and mouth of a woman and that image is compelling), the hands stretched out holding onto an object, the “crinkled” look that made it seem as if it was from something ancient, but, when I looked at it more closely, I saw where it is as if “Sweetie” is MADE of the leaves, or as if she is transparent and the leaves are showing through her. This nature element sold me on the cover right away.

There is an image of a Deep Blood Red Rose. At first, the rose threw me. I thought, hmm, a rose? Not sure. But then it took hold of me—the dress Sweetie wore to school with the roses that had turned old blood color. The symbol of love (and not romantic love, but the love between friends). The beauty. The Blood. The Burning Fire. The delicate petals that also hold the thorns. So many things popped into my head with that rose, I knew it was perfect—and as I write this, I am hoping the cover does stay as I saw it. And, as soon as all is approved and completed, I’ll post the image for y'all to see.

This just may be my favorite cover. I can’t wait to see it on the printed book, for only then can I, you, see the full impact of it.


I want to mention quickly here that the Book Club I Skyped with on Thursday afternoon went so very well. I was delighted to meet these women—they made me feel comfortable, made me laugh, and made me think. Always, always, readers make me think deeper about my books. I want to thank the Minnesota Book Club (and if you all have an official name-let me know!) for the opportunity to speak with them. If you have a book club that’s too far for me to travel to, Skyping is a wonderful way to connect!

Now, you tell me: What are you up to? I am so trying to visit all of your blogs, and on Facebook & Twitter, etc, and know I am behind. But, I will be stopping by even if it takes me a little longer. Things have been moving so fast and furious lately! What are you doing as the summer moves into fall (already! LAWD!). Projects?(and it doesn’t have to be writing projects). Trips? New Things on the Horizon? What? Or you can tell me: “Go by my blog, Miz Kathryn, and find out for yourself! Huhn!” Laugh . . .

Rose & Thorn Blog . . . and Crazy Life!

Hi Y'all! Just stopping in to direct you all to the Rose & Thorn blog, where Angie Gumbo Writer has an interview with with Ronlyn Domingue, author of The Mercy of Thin Air. Feel free to leave a comment, say hi, whatever! While there, stop by the R&T Journal and read the summer offerings.

Also, I am busy working on the line-edits for the SWEETIE novel to be released this fall. Beyond that, I've started VK III and as soon as I finish SWEETIE line-edits, I will get back to work on (Something) GRACES, the final book in the Graces Sagas trilogy (as far as I know, it's the final book).

I was pleased that my editor at BB publishers called Sweetie an "amazing kick-ass book" - I've been saying that phrase all morning *laughing* - to GMR, to Angie, to twitter, to facebook. How could I not do the Happy Dance? If your editor loves your book that much, then the excitment and energy for the book grows even greater. The time you wait to hear back from your editor to see if she/he likes the book, much less loves it, is stress-rendering. So, when you not only have the green-light, but the "kick-ass amazing" part--I can't describe the happiness, joy, and relief combined! WHOOP WHOOP!

my view as I work on Sweetie/Graces Saga, etc!

I know I'm behind on my visiting and all, but, this has been a really busy year for me, busier than ever -- with the release of SECRET GRACES while still keeping TENDER GRACES alive and going, and SWEETIE, then the surprise from BB asking me if I'd like to write a novella to go with two other author's novellas. That three-author work should come out this fall, as well. Pair that with the "non writing part of a writing life" and it makes for a crazy year! But - isn't this what I signed up for? Isn't this what I wanted? Isn't this my dream? . . . Yes. It is. *smiling*

Tomorrow I Skype with a book club - I am looking forward to that, but worry about Skype's problems they've had -- I was Skyping with my son and baby Lil' Boop and my computer crashed! First time that's ever happened.

What are you working on? Are you winding down with summer vacations and such? Can you believe it is already August?

Cataloochee Elk, Tobacco Barn & Caldwell house

Angie, me, GMR, and Angie's hb went to Cataloochee to see the elk. Angie had about three heart-attacks, five jumping out of her skins, two AUUUGGGH's, and three We're gonna Dieeeee's, as we wound our way round and up and then round and down to get to the Cataloochee valley (teeheehee). While there, we also visited the old tobacco barn and the old Caldwell house. I snapped some photos of the old tabacco barn, the old homestead, and the elk- but not all of the photos are in the usual way. I liked how the light was that day, how it came through breaks between the barn wood, or through the windows and doors of the house.

I talked Angie into staying a little longer, so we can extend our visit. There's so much to see, but, as well, there's so much just to Not Do - relax, nap, write, be.

Today I'll get back to work on VK III a little while Angie works on her WIP. Sometimes it will strike me all of a sudden how I have two books out, Sweetie on the way in November, as well as a novella that will be published with two other author's novellas and released this fall, and, the VK III book to work on to be released summer 2011. I do feel like my dreams have come true - like a writer, an author, a novelist. But! Also! Chimney Rock Park calls, as does the Cherokee Museum, and Joey's Pancake House and Jelly Bellies in Maggie Valley, Main Street Waynesville, the Blue Ridge Parkway, Smoky Mountain State Park drive down 441, and et cetera. In between and among these things is the porch, where I am sitting, along with Angie, as we each type on our laptops. There's a nice cool breeze, though the heat's going to return to the valleys, at near 3400 feet we are lucky to feel the breeze from the ridgetops and from off the creek.

Life is good living in this cove at Killian Knob.

I leave you with some images of the tobacco barn, the old Caldwell house, and the Cataloochee elk. To see them bigger, should you want to, just click on the photos.