Persona Versus Personality

There are two things at this moment that I am not showing to you. Two things that you’d never know by reading the posts below. Two things that you’d only know if you were sitting beside me right now and asking me how I really felt or seeing my face pinched with discomfort, and doubt.


The other day, my Baton Rouge NAWW sisters and I (National Association of Women Writers) talked a lot about personas—poet’s persona, artist’s persona, actors/writers/singer’s persona. But you don’t have to be in the arts to have a persona. Get up, have coffee, get dressed, and go to work—there is your Office Persona, or Stylist Persona, Cop Persona, Dog Groomer Persona—there are parts of yourself you must keep hidden while at your job. If my job is to greet people at the door with a smile, it doesn’t matter if I feel horrid or sad or mad: my job is to greet with a smile and that’s what I’ll do, but when I go home, I can let the smile slip if I so chose…or maybe smiling "in a fake way" created a Real Smile-lovely!

So, do I have a Writer’s Persona? Well yes and no. What you read/see here is truly who I am, for I don’t want to come across as anything other than who I am. I am not some “author who sits up on high” or whatever.

If you look at my "official author photo" versus the other photos on this page, you can see physically what I mean about "Persona Vs Personality" . . .


WhatI don’t always show are the doubts and the every day pressures and strains, and sometimes the physical pain. Because, as I told a friend: I don’t like showing my weaknesses. I want to stay positive. I want to be a Light, not a negative. I want to inspire. To make people smile or feel happy or even to think, "She did it, so I can to!"


When I first moved to this cove, it both amused and delighted me (I admit it) that people would talk about “that writer up there in the cove on the mountain” – – I felt a mystery, an enigma. But, I never tried to hide who I was, only that my reclusive side, my private side, is much stronger than my social side—this simply won’t do once you publish a book, for you must Get Out There, and you must Talk About Your Book, and Yourself. You must…*gasp* BRAG —and that my beautiful friends is one of the things I am not showing to you: this discomfort in tooting my horn. Before Tender Graces was published, I spent more time tooting other people's horns, spreading the word about other writers or artists, etc. I helped writers more before, too, when I had more time and no obligations/deadlines/expectations or rules from publishers.


Those posts below: “Oh! I feel so popular!” “Oh, go here and see my interview/review/guest blog/etc.” “Oh look what so and so said about my book, and about me!” “Me me me me me Pay Attention to ME!” . . . Mixed up in that is the hope that I won’t disappoint the people who are hosting or interviewing me: “what if no one goes by?” “what if no one makes a comment” “what if everyone ignores it?” Oh Dear.


Because, as well, when I guest blog or am interviewed, it is not just about ME – it is also about the person who asked me to guest, who interviewed me, who reviewed my book—the gratitude I have for them is immense, and I do not take that gratitude lightly. I want people to go by and support them, not just the ME; I don’t want to disappoint them. I want the time they took to be worth their while.


It’s against my Personality to toot my horn; however, it is a requirement of my Persona that I do this. Mixed up in that is the excitement, and even pride (I admit), that I have written not just one book, but more than one—my life’s dream. Persona and Personality cross--but yet again, many times my Persona and Personality are close together, one in the same, I yam who I yam. But, Persona never shows weakness-ever. Persona must always be ON, must be damned near perfect.


The second hidden thing you wouldn’t know unless you were sitting right by me this morning is that for the last week or more, I have been in physical pain that escalated to the point where I near gritted my teeth--it'll pass, but it's taking it's time this time. I, as we say, “wrenched” something in my upper spine and I will admit to you here that it is pretty damned painful—distracting—annoying---OW OW OW! But, I don’t want to show my weakness to you—don’t want to whine—don’t want to be…um, Human?


My Personality is physically in pain and is mentally cringing from tooting my own horn—from asking you to go read/see ME ME ME ME! But my persona requires it. I am a fallible human being who is surprised at how much she wants your approval, how much she wants you to like her, how much she wants you to follow along with her on her journey—oh yes, she does. My Persona sometimes gets on my nerves, but really, so does my Personality. This morning they are both at war for my attention, for your attention. And now, you have seen under my skin, just a little bit, as I sit here this morning, drinking my coffee, ignoring the discomfort, pulling out my Persona while my Personality deals with the yuck stuff.


Do you have a Persona that sometimes defies your Personality?