Friday, August 20, 2010

Living with me is not easy . . . Marriage is such a strange land.

Living with me is not easy. There, I said it. GMR will read this and aloud he will say, “Aww, that’s not true at all!” But, I bet in his inside thoughts there are times he says, “Whew! You said it!” GMR is too polite to me. I mean, maybe sometimes he needs to say, “When you fall in love with your male characters, it hurts my feelings—especially if they are nothing like me . . .” But, he does not. Oh. Wait. He doesn’t know I sometimes fall in love with my male characters . . . . heehee, well, I guess he does now. Heehee.

I go so deep inside my own thoughts and my own world and the world of my characters that I forget he is there. Suddenly, there is this man looking at me. I say, “Huh? Wha?” and he says, “I just asked if you’d like some seared scallops with cream sauce, a side of risotto, and a nice pinot noir?” I answer, “Oh. Um. Huh? Yeah . . . okay, that sounds . . .” and then I trail off, what was I writing? For surely the character’s world is more important than Real Life. Or not. But it doesn’t matter; it is what it is. To his retreating back, which looks slightly slumped inward, I call out, apologetically and excitedly all at once, “Yes! OH! That sounds good! I’d LOOOOOVEE sea scallops and risotto and pinot noir and all that. I Can’t Wait! Thank you! You are Great! Wow!” Overkilling it, but dang, you know?

Sometimes I wander about the house touching things. Is this real? Yes. Is this real? Yes. Is this real? Yes. Is this real? Yes. I touch GMR. Is this real? And he says, “You’re touching me! Wow! ohhhh!” and I roll my eyes and say, “Stop it. I touch and hug you. Geez. You are soooooo (NOT) deprived.” He laughs, but I wonder: when was the last time I went over and gave him a big ole hug. Hmmm. So I do it, right then and there, but it feels forced, so I stand up quickly. Then I touch the top of his head, and then kiss his cheek. He looks so grateful I am guilty and pissed off and confused. Crap.

I’m moody. Although the older I get, the more my moods even out. But I can think dark thoughts. I can be silly for no reason at all. I can be sardonic. I can be negative. I can see things in ways that he says “I never thought of it like that! Hey!” I can tell him, “That person isn’t as they present themselves,” and then later he asks, “How did you know?” I am otherworldly to his practical.

I sometimes stare at GMR when he’s reading the paper or doing a crossword. I’ll stare, my face immobile and expressionless. I wait for it…wait for it…he looks over at me and says, “STOP IT! Stop doingggg thhattt!” Then I burst out laughing. Why do I do that? I dunno.

But for all of that, GMR seems to love me. He seems to be proud of me. When he introduces me to people, he seems to do it with pleasure and love. He seems to really want to be around me—a lot. He seems to think I’m cute, and sometimes maybe beautiful, and always he thinks I’m sexy. He seems to think if something ever happened to me he’d be devastated. He seems to think I am Something Special. He seems to think I am even brilliant. Huhn.

Maybe I have something that keeps GMR content—or at least . . . something. Maybe the weirdness of me keeps him off balance in a way that is exciting or fun or jittery mad mad mad! Maybe it’s rarely boring here in this little log house (except when I’m writing and writing and writing and then . . . well . . . then the house is quiet and the lights are dim and everything is hushed, except for the tip tapping of keys – ).

We pick each other for a reason. Sometimes there are random pickings—maybe. But even then we seek out what we look for. So, what did GMR look for that he found in me? And what does he miss that I am lacking? And what about me? What did I look for? Ah, the mystery of marriage and relationships.

And what about you?

Marriage. Such a strange strange strange land, isn’t it?

Now: an announcement: Head over to GUMBO WRITER- she's having a contest called The Snark Bite Contest and one of the prizes is a copy of TENDER GRACES! Thank you Angie!


ficwriter said...

I'm appreciating my hubby more than usual today. As we wait for our son who is in surgery. Jesse shattered his nose while boxing and his surgeon is rebuilding it as I type this.

But like you, I feel guilty when I often ignore the man I most adore in this world. Fortunately, he loves to play his guitars, so when I get lost in my writing, he gets lost in his music.

Diane said...

It sounds like the two of you are perfect for each other. I get mad sometimes at the male leads in books. They are too wonderful and I am jealous! :O)

john bord said...

A dialogue helps a lots and accepting the ups and downs of life goes a long ways but accepting the person for what they are, very critical. I feel you use these squib blogs to explore the emotions of relationships and their interactions. Interesting technique if so.

Another subject, you asked if I was watching a certain program. Well no, when I moved out to the country my television became a decoration and dust collector. I have not hooked it up and do not miss it. Most of my info comes from cyber space and personal interaction. There are times I wish I had TV for those type of programs. Then I probably would be doing little writing and traveling in cyber space.

Lori said...

Every word of this post made me smile and nod my head in describe quite well what it means to be married and living in the same house...I love your honesty...I love that you lose yourself in your writing so...and that your love makes you dinner...I love that you know how much he loves and adores you. I really enjoyed this post! :)

Karen said...

Smiling...your descriptions crack me up, and yet I understand completely. :P Marriage is a work, but the more you're together the more you fit, I think.

Marguerite said...

You are one lucky woman and you and GMR seem wonderfully suited for one another. Btw, does he have a single brother, maybe down in N'awlins, who is that easy going and can cook and dance? lol

Donna M. Kohlstrom said...

I smiled, enjoyed and related to your post. I've got one of those wonderful hubbys too. He hasn't got a clue what it is to be a writer, but he respects me and my writing, supports and encourages me through the madness!

Deb Shucka said...

This was so great to read. I can really relate, and I'm pretty sure Walt feels much like GMR a lot of the time. We just celebrated 23 years, many of which I wanted to be somewhere else, but I'm so grateful we've stuck it out. I can't imagine him not being here - except on those days I really want him dead. :-)

I'm so looking forward to October. We're going to make it happen this time - no matter what.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Hey, thanks for the linkage. And, yeah, just updated my FaceBook status with a word of advice on relationships + domestic chores. LOL Hugs!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

"We pick each other for a reason."

Whatever that may have been. 32 years later, just grateful. Although, might your husband contact mine and give some instructions? I would love to be offered a choice of foods and a delightful wine to attend the party-prepared by someone other than me.

Much fun reading this post.